I wish...

Many of you must be wondering what was wrong with me after reading my last post. Well, nothing really! I'm just very tired. Problem after problem, issue after issue... They never stop. I just wanna take a break and run away for a bit! But I think that's too extreme. I don't think my problems require me to elope with myself just yet. I believe in everything has solutions. Yes, that's right... solutions. If there're no solutions, then I suppose they are called problems. I'm tired.

Because of those things above, I'm working extra hard in office and trying my best to be very patient at home. When I was about to burst, I took a break and walk away for a moment. Did some recollection and figure out how to manage things that had happened. I guess this will go on until I'm more "stable". I'm tired.

I'm learning. I really am. I'm trying my best to be in top form in office. So far I'm managing my time and my workload rather well (except for 1 project which has many things pending my action). Those things must be done within this week or next week (hopefully NOT!). I have puffy eyes, wrinkled face and I look rather old compared to my friends. Damn it. It's not exactly work pressure, it's my sleep I think. I spend my sleeping time thinking of the project and how to handle it in order to observe my deadline. My mind never stop working. I want to help my superiors in what they do. So far, I think I did that quite well. However, to my standard, it's not enough. I still have a long way to go in which I intend to cut short to within these 4 months. People say I push myself too hard sometimes, but I don't think. Without pushing or motivation, one will never have the energy to move or progress. I'm tired.

Apart from that, I'm trying my best to not involve many people in the many issues I'm in. Somehow, that's hard to do. They are involved in a way or another. Financially, physically or mentally. I'm exhausted because of that. So helpless... I'm tired. Despite those problems, I never show my unhappy or sad face because I never believe in showing them. It'll only make people feel bad or sad. What's the point of pulling people into your "dark" moments/feelings?

However, when I see people joke, when I see them laugh (be it in office or at home), everything seems to disappear. All the drained energy came back... At that time, I will always tell myself "See, good things happen at the end and people will be happy regardless of what happened in the past". Alas, those moments do not last long... It's great to know I have my family behind me!