Morning Sickness

Hello. It’s me again on a Wednesday morning, with nothing to do. #&%@*(!%@. I did not vomit or etc but my friends and I engaged in the most peculiar email saga ever in the office. Four working individuals in KLCC, Damansara Heights and nearby Masjid Jamek… Below are excerpts from our saga. (Names were omitted).

INTO THE MINDS OF THE WORLD MOST DANGEROUS CRAPPERS

Ex. 1
My right hand is aching for no apparent reason. Damn it.

Ex 2
What did you do last nite? hahaha. Something that you need to use your hand?? switch hands next time k? Don't over-work one hand

Ex. 3
I switch hands from session to session. Kakakakakak... DAMN IT.. this can't be happening in the morning.

Ex. 4
not my fault... she started it... Lol.

Ex. 5
I'm guilty! hahahaha..

Ex. 6
yer wat have u done ystday? yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ex. 7
nice ar after toilet? hahahhaa... "shi fuk sai"? ahhahaha
OH God.. something is wrong with me lar.. early morning so "wai".

Ex. 8
SPSS = Sexually Prepped Sexy Sextress.... :) No wonder you're like that early in the morning... kakaka.. F. I'm sick. Need Help.. Mayday.. mayday.... piuuuu.... peennggggg.... iiiuuuu.... KABOOM!!! Kantoi!

Ex. 9
So now she is shiatz free.... Her waste is being managed by Indah Water Konsortium now, the "Sai Thang" (hokkien) company.

Ex.10
OMG..i think u guys really sumthing wrong sumwhere..


TimeKeeper
Wednesday afternoon, 12:14pm. Damn it! Still sitting in the office. All other trainees are spamming each other; regarding a topic irrelevant to me. So I just read them and smile occasionally at witty and/or smart remarks.

Since…
When I was looking at an advertisement in The Star (15 Aug 2006, pg: N28Nation), I realized that time has changed. The advertisement was about Motorola’s latest Bluetooth headsets. It featured a good-looking guy with a bluetooth device hooked on his ear, holding a whisk and a mixing bowl. Tell me, what would’ve happened if this were to be published 10 years back?

The perception is so different now that men who cook are attractive. Men with fashion sense are attractive. Men with emotions are attractive. All these were different 10 years ago. Men were suppose to be dominant, butch and rough. Showing emotions and dressing up out of the norm will get you banished from the society of the manly men. Now, we have metrosexuals, mirls and ubersexuals. Now we have advertisements showing men playing domestic roles on TV. The world and perceptions have indeed changed and the changes were good. Many still refuse to accept that men should be comfortable with their feminine side. In fact, the idea of putting the words “feminine” and “men” or “male” together offend certain people. Everything depends on individuals. Some accept, some don’t.

So, Motorola did a fantastic job by featuring a hunk with everything I’ve said above. MOTOFREEDOM? Indeed! Well done! It appeals to both male and female demographics. It certainly caught my attention!

Petulant Child
I so want to comment on an issue involving two very prominent people in the country. However, I don’t want to end up in jail for doing so. Why? If you’re blogging about the government, you’ll end up in jail under ISA if you say the wrong things or in other words, you’ll be shiatzed!

However, I am going to leave you with 2 excerpts from today’s newspaper.

“… he would only stop making remarks/criticism about the government if the bridge across xxx strait was built.”

“He can say anything, but I’m the dude and I have a job to do”

So tell me, which sentence you fancy?

(Sentences have been changed to avoid unnecessary f**k-ups from anybody who wants to find fault with me – under 18 readers, sorry for the language used)

To fly or not to fly? That isn’t and never should be the question!
I read The Star newspaper today. Saw this section “SMS your views” (pg: N44: Opinion). Pls read last entry entitled “Poor response”. I don’t know why people must fly Jalur Gemilang during Merdeka Day. Well, it’s symbolic, but is it necessary to show patriotism this way?

I feel that if you are a patriotic person, you are a patriotic person. If you want to fly the flag, do so. But it shouldn’t be “promoted”. Everyone has his or her own way of showing appreciation towards the country’s independence. Telling people to fly the flag for the sake of flying the flag isn’t good enough. It’s total crap. I can fly the flag at home, but go out and rob somebody. So does that mean that I’m a patriotic person although I rob people for a living?

I know flying the flag = showing that we are one as a nation. But ask ourselves “Are we one?” I can tell you the answer now. We’re not one. So don’t just fly the flag, feel it. Be proud and show it in our actions. Tourists that have visited Malaysia in the past claimed that Malaysia’s fantastic. Well, that’s because Malaysians (not all, mind you), especially the service industry (F&B) has double standards.

Caucasians : Fantastic service with broad smile
Malaysians : Screw you and couldn’t care less.

I don’t see the point of flying flags if such things are happening. Muhibbah? Yes, we are but on the surface. So, if this is the way we are behaving, instead of flying flag, we might as well go fly kite!!!

What has become of me?
My convocation was last week (12 August 2006). Today (14 August 2006), I’m in the office doing nothing and my patience’s being tested again. It’s 11:40am. I don’t have any work to do. How I wish I have proper Internet connection that enable me to access Internet Explorer. Curses!

I’m hungry, but my lunch partner is not in the office today. Curses! Again, I wonder what’s the purpose of my presence in the office. Am I wasting company’s resources? If the answer is yes, it’s definitely not my fault. My “light” if not gone it’s very dim. I foresee that today is another day of watching the time passes by ever so slowly. I want to stand up, shut down my computer and announce to the whole office that I’m going home since I’m not needed. Alas, doing that will qualify me for a place in the looney bin. Shiatz!!!

Don’t feel like talking about the nation nor the world today. It’s too depressing given my current state. I want to feel free and fly like a bird. I want to fly high in the sky and shit on my office’s roof. After that, I would look down and think “I’ve made my mark on the company. I should move on.” (OK, now I’m really crazy). It’s 11:50am. Mind vocabulary: Loads of profanity, curses, shiatz, crap, nonsense and the list go on. Again, I asked myself what am I doing here.

Btw, I think I didn’t tell you that I’m suffering from backache. Soon, I will add headache to the list. Things aren’t right, today. I’m dreading everything. Going home at 5:40pm today. It’s light years away. So what can I do? I can only wait… for work or to leave the office. For now, I can only put on a smiley face and listen to my radio as if I’m enjoying myself.


Post-Lunch
It’s 2:10pm now. Lunch: Eaten. I had a very good lunch at San Francisco Coffee. I don’t go there usually on weekdays but since I didn’t have lunch partner today, I thought, “Why not I go SF Coffee to chill out and enjoy my lunch, slowly?” I went. Fantastic service, I must say. The people there never fail to amaze me. Lol. Warm smile and kind words.

Now, let’s see what I had for lunch. I had croissant with chicken and cheese filling. It was simply delicious. Yum. Not only that, I also had Hazelnut Latte, a coffee I always drink in SFC. The hazelnut aroma with latte, heaven! It was definitely worth the 5 minutes walk from my office. Who say eating lunch alone is an unpleasant affair? It’s how you enjoy it that matters.

Anyway, I think I deserved that lunch after my disastrous morning! Don’t you think so?

News

Money for Life: How can those thieves justify their “earnings”?
More snatch theft cases. More lives taken. All in the name of getting some money! Is that the right thing to do? Even if they really have to snatch handbags, backpacks or whatever bags for that matter, is taking lives really necessary? When I opened the newspaper today, I was shocked to my nuts (yes, this time I want to change to nuts instead of my balls).

A girl was pushed down the emergency staircase and landed headfirst. She went. Another KTAR student stalked by 2 men armed with knife and a piece of wood. The men went after him. Thank God, he got away. Only not so long ago, a boy was killed, no thanks to snatch thieves. He was also a KTAR student. I am sure there are many unreported snatch theft cases. Have they (snatch thieves) no compassion at all?

Innocent lives were doing their usual chores or they were just hanging out with friends when the unspeakable happened. Some didn’t make it home, some injured and some safe, without even a scratch.

I know that by snatching people’s bags, those thieves will get fast income. But how long can it last before they suffer what the law has got ready for them? Are they so illiterate that they couldn’t even enroll into some programmes managed by the government? People like this will never contribute towards the success of the nation.

I’m at page 29 of the local newspaper, The Star, at the moment of writing. Half-naked body of girl found. That’s the title of the news. The girl went missing on Saturday night. What did she do that night? She went to buy bread and chicken feed. In return for her deed, she was raped and murdered. She was 16 years old. She wasn’t alone. Many suffered the same fate before her. These people had no idea what was going to happen to them. As they were doing their usual chores or merely walking along a road, they didn’t know that a pair of eyes was on them. That pair of eyes approached its target. They crept nearer and nearer to the women and when the victims finally realized that they were being followed, it was too late. They were abused, raped and murdered.

A happy day with a certain celebration waiting at home, loving spouses and relatives waiting to ask them “How was your day?” and couples wanting to warm the beds at night by feeling each other’s presence were met with incomprehensible grief.

The phone rang. News was delivered. Their hearts skipped a beat. They collapsed with tears pouring. A sudden rage shot into them. Without knowing what to expect, they went to the morgue… if they were lucky, as ironic as that might sound. If not, they only have the memories of being together without seeing their loved ones. Not even for the final time. They (rapists/murderers) are what I call the new breed of home wreckers. Grim…

What's wrong?...

Bangla Gigolo & World vs Singer
If you have read the news today (STAR: 7 August 2006), you’ll know that a bangla gigolo is being paid RM1000 every month by a female executive in Kuala Lumpur just to keep their private photos (which I assume to be photos of the executive performing the art of fellatio on the dude) off the public. In short, it’s extortion.

According to the news, she wasn’t aware that the gigolo took pictures of her doing the unspeakable deed. Personally, I think it was hot. Still, I think the gigolo could do better than extorting RM1000 from her every month. BUT, I’m not gonna go there. She might be lonely and her sex drive might be over the top (OTT), but she should be careful. If you’ve studied Development Economics, you’ll agree with me that offering sex as part of a trade for money is a positive thing for the economy. Those who would like me to clarify this, I’ll be glad to, upon request!

This is a message from Uncle Teh to the females out there. If you want to get adult services, DON’T BE SHY but please be careful. No matter how engrossed you are in your fun-time activity with a gigolo, always remember to keep an eye on him for he will find ways to extort money from you. Be alert. I will not suggest you lay off the desire to have sex with them because I believe in development economics. However, have sharp senses. Growl… (Ok, I’m a bit weird here). To guys: you need not worry because I think you wouldn’t care, unless you’re conservative. Then again, if you are, you will not go looking for such services. So, peace to you!!!

Last week, when television was reporting news at 8pm, I was shocked to my balls (AGAIN) that the news of Siti Nurhaliza’s wedding got reported first and the news of the Israel-Hizbollah battle got kicked behind. This shows the nation’s priority. Entertainment comes before everything else. For this, I would really wanna let the media industry know: You guys sucked! To Siti: Please stop harping about the wedding! To Mawi: Sod off. You can’t sing, can’t dance, and everything not nice (adapted from PowerPuff Girls). So stop appearing. Vaporize. (I know I’m out of topic, but since we’re in the entertainment para, might as well chip that in). [smirk].

The way news are being reported reflect how Malaysians prioritize. When news of Siti was reported first, we (the caring citizens of the world) can’t help but feel sad that children, women and men (practically everyone) that were bombed out of their daylights and how non-stop hampering of bombs and mortars ravaged both lands, were reported last. To make things worse, President of Iran (name’s too hard to type), said that Israel should be wiped out from the face of the earth. To top that, Iran’s sponsoring Hizbollah. Both sides do not want to stop and they keep on bombing each other to the extent that they do not care about civilians anymore. Hence, they (civilians) become collateral damage. The whole of Middle East is involved in this war, whether playing significant role or otherwise. The current war if escalates further, will have adverse effect on Middle East and later on, the world. I can go on forever with the economic effects from this war and how much damage economic sanctions and counter-sanctions can have on the players, but I should do that some other time!

I hope that the local media would one day do a proper coverage as how the international bodies do it despite the unpopular demand of such news amongst the citizens. At least the people know. At least, it’ll knock some sense into ourselves that we’re living in a peaceful land and we’re obligated to help those people living in war-torn countries. At least, we’ll know what’s happening and its implication to the world. Why ask “How much is Datuk K’s budget for the wedding?” and keep track of it so intensely until we forget that the other side of the world is facing a huge crisis that will affect the security of world? Which one do you think have a more lasting effect? I’ll rephrase. Will Siti’s wedding affect the world at all?

Disclaimer:
I’m saying all this from my observation. It’s neutral opinion except for that Mawi’s bit. Lol! So, please don’t kill me if I’ve offended anyone. There are many things to discuss regarding the current crisis in Middle East, I’ve only touch 5% or less of it. I hope I’ve created enough interest for you to read further regarding this crisis! Although you’re not involved, at least be informed! One cannot have 100% information regarding one matter since this is not a world with perfect information, but one can have at least a little knowledge regarding what’s happening!

All about Robe...

I know I have not updated my blog (AGAIN) for a zillion years. Forgive me. I was too engrossed in my nothing-to-do-hence-very-tired-and-demotivating work in the office. Believe it or not, it has been over 1 month I’m in the office with nothing to do. Better, my boss said he’ll be very busy (I truly understand his position at the moment) and there’ll be no work for me as long as he’s shiatz busy with his work. Go figure. In conclusion, another month of nothingness.

This coming weekend is my convocation. I know it’s a big deal, but right now, I’m not feeling it. Maybe I should thank my office for making me a dull person. (Blaming everything on the office). Haha. This topic actually brings me to the day I collected my graduation robe. Not a nice affair. Completely and utterly SHIATZed. In case you didn’t know why I’m using the word “shiatz” so often, it’s because I like the way it’s pronounced and it was created by my good pal, Hantu Semantan. For those blur cases out there who don’t know all my hantus, check my CBox. You’ll get an idea. (wink).

31 July 2006: Robe Collection Day
On this very day, I woke up very early to get ready for my robe (collection). As I was driving to my university, I thought I will be one of those earliest to arrive at the university and will have one of those earliest numbers. You will not believe what I saw when I was there.

The queue already started and worst part was, the whole tent was almost occupied. Over a hundred students were already there. I started thinking to myself; “Are UM students that kiasu?” My answer was a big YES! Not only them, myself too. I found myself joining the group. It was ridiculous standing so far away from the counter. At that very moment, I decided to cut queue when I spotted Hantu Semantan. I think I made a good cut because I managed to get into the middle of the crowd.

7am: Drizzling. The length of the queue increased exponentially. No kidding. I saw umbrellas opened along the road. It’s getting hot because the crowd was getting bigger. Come 9am. The queue started moving and it was moving rather fast (Thank God). When it was my turn (after HS’s), the lady was fast and helpful, unlike the (censored) that was attending to HS. She’s impossible. Btw, my number was 159.

I marched up the stairs to level 1 of the examination hall. When I look down (the exam hall is on a hill), I was shocked to my balls. The queue I saw earlier behind me (near the entrance of the exam hall) was actually an extension from the parking lot. You can’t imagine how long that was? Let me help you…

Start at the tent with over a hundred people. Queue all the way to the main entrance and all the way to the side of the building. Down the stairs to the carpark. The queue made a U-turn when it reaches the main road and extended all the way back to the main entrance. The queue looks like one of those Michael Jackson music video where kids and adults lined up, cross-country.

10am: I walked into the hall. Cold air… Bliss. Then I saw my coursemates. To my horror, they turned a robe collection affair into a huge MNG sale look-alike. It was scary. They were trying on the robes as if they were on sale and exchanging comments and etc. Girls… Come 11am. Everything’s done. Home time. Never happier!

This is part 2 of my series of unfortunate events. I believe that I should highlight what I do not have in the office. Check it out. I don’t have:

1. Internet access (only my Outlook)
2. Phone
3. Access to departmental files to do work/research thanks to bullet no. 1
4. Work

I don’t know why I was taken in. It remains a mystery. It’s day 25. Curses. I know I shouldn’t bitch about work or office, but I believe no one in my office will read my blog. Even if they do, I don’t give a $#!T. Therefore, I should highlight what I have been doing in the office for the past 1 month and counting. I was:

1. Looking at the clock
2. Thinking of where to eat my lunch
3. Deciding what time I want to go home
4. Sending countless emails to friends and family
5. Composing my blog (as of now)
6. Talking to my friends
7. Complaining, albeit silently to myself of the predicament I’m in at the moment
8. Reading novels, magazines, books
9. Pretending to be busy just to blend into the crowd of busy people in my office.
10. The list goes on… and on… and on… and on…

Now that I’ve said such things about my company, I think I owe it to my company to highlight the good things about it. My company has:

1. Flexible working hours
2. 2 hours of lunch break on Fridays
3. Policy of going home at 4:30pm on Fridays
4. Big amount of annual leave
5. Nice employees benefits
6. English coach
7. Cool gym
8. Large workstation
9. Very cool air-conditioning
10. Very capable people
11. Very sexy people (that’s really true)

Nevertheless, the negative points outweighed the positive ones. So in short, not happy. Hoping that one day, things will change… for the better.

1 VERY BIG BOO-BOO: My office has a woman who burps so loudly and so openly, she’ll kill people around her. She doesn’t care. Neither did the people around her. It seems that I was the only one that was annoyed by her “trumpet”. What’s going on?…